Father christmas jokes rude

Christmas is coming, and with it all the aggravation of wrapping presents, decorating—the list goes on and on. Everyone knows the holidays are exhausting, so why not give yourself a break? Thumpity-thump-thump Thumpity-thump-thump, look at Frosty go!

The largest international comedy festival in the world faces a mind-bogglingly massive bankruptcy. What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. Has he been? I think I can smell his reindeer. The Christmas sweater my kids gave me last year kept picking up static electricity.

Father christmas jokes rude

Some people cope by getting drunk in the laundry room. Others instigate political conversation, getting ready to sharpen their teeth on Racist Uncle Bob. And some tell jokes. Lots of jokes. Some good. Most awkwardly bad. And some jokes just really dirty. He only comes down the chimney. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I want it put under the god damn Christmas tree. And Santa, I want a god damn new bike and I want it put under a god damn tarp in the god damn shed. On Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and immediately looked under his bed. Seeing the pile of poop, he ran downstairs to the Christmas tree and checked underneath. Finding another pile of poop under the tree, he ran out the door and threw open the shed door. Finding a tarp in the shed, he quickly pulled back the tarp and found yet another pile of poop.

Are you the naughty list? What's Santa's safe sex tip?

Naughty List or Nice List? Who cares! We want to read literotica , send those scandalous sexts, use those Christmas pick-up lines , stir up some scandal with dirty Santa gift ideas , and instigate some dirty truth or dare fun with our partners and friends. First, though, we want to tell some truly bad and extra saucy knock-knock jokes and dirty Christmas jokes. Blush away! So, you may not want to go poking around too much. So relax, unwind, and, enjoy these dirty Christmas jokes responsibly.

Get into the holiday spirit with these dirty Christmas jokes for adults only! Note these jokes are rude and so are not suitable for kids. He and Mrs. A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.

Father christmas jokes rude

Updated on: January 5, Jessica Amlee. Holidays are a time for family, food, and, of course, groan-inducing puns.

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It's going to reindeer. Whoever started Christmas ought to be nailed to a cross. Confirm Password. Who the f—k is that for? Question: Why did the Christmas turkey sit in the corner of the table? A wife walked in on her husband putting on a condom. What do you call a broke Santa? Article continues below advertisement. Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney. Question: What do you call a snowman with a sunburn? The Mistletoe Mishap At the office Christmas party, Dave had too much eggnog and found himself standing under the mistletoe with his boss, Mr. One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh. The first one steps in donkey shit.. And some tell jokes. He was caught picking his nose.

Dad jokes get a bad rap. After all, have you ever heard of a mean dad joke? Probably not.

Ben who? The Christmas Tree Decorator 8. Their balls are ornamental. Because I want to take you back to my place and give you a white Christmas. Tag filter About Us. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I want it put under the god damn Christmas tree. Wanna see the North Pole? Others instigate political conversation, getting ready to sharpen their teeth on Racist Uncle Bob. It's never too early to spread some Christmas cheer. How do you know if your wife is cheating on you with a snowman? Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? The Reindeer Rebellion It was a few days before Christmas, and the reindeer were staging a strike.